When you’re on a journey to figure out who you are, there’s an overwhelming pressure to piece everything together seamlessly. You might feel like you need to have a clear path, a coherent identity, or even a singular, consistent answer. But the truth is, figuring out who you are doesn’t happen in a single moment of clarity. It happens in the little pieces you collect along the way. And one of the most important pieces to start with? Your yeses.
It might sound simple, but the power of “yes” is immense. It’s an affirmation, a signal to yourself of what feels right, what feels true. It’s those gut instincts, the things that make you feel alive, the small moments that tug at you and won’t let go. Start there. Write them down, no matter how small or disjointed they seem. Even if they feel contradictory, these yeses are clues to your identity.
Maybe your yes is the smell of rain after a hot day, or the rush you feel when you finish a book that cracks your heart open. Maybe you love both the calm of solitude and the joy of being surrounded by people. Maybe you say yes to cosy evenings indoors but also love the thrill of new adventures. These yeses don’t need to make sense to anyone but you. They don’t need to fit into a tidy narrative. Resist the urge to dress up your life into a neat bow.
In fact, your yeses might not relate to each other at all—and that’s okay. You are allowed to be a collection of contradictions. You might say yes to structure and discipline in your work but crave spontaneity in your personal life. You can love simplicity and still have a deep appreciation for intricate details. These seemingly opposing truths can coexist within you, and in allowing that, you find more space for yourself to grow.
The beauty of starting with your yeses is that they reveal a part of your authentic self without the need for explanation or approval. They are glimpses of your identity that show up before you can fully articulate them. They are the experiences, moments, and sensations that bring you closer to yourself, even if they don’t seem to have anything in common at first glance.
When you start with your yeses, you give yourself permission to explore without needing to know the outcome. You begin with what feels good and true, allowing yourself to exist as you are, without the pressure to be anything else. Over time, patterns may emerge, or they may not. You may find that your yeses change as you grow, and that’s part of the process too.
So, when you feel lost or unsure about who you are or where you’re going, don’t start by trying to define yourself in rigid terms. Start with what’s already true—start with your yeses. Let them guide you, let them reveal more about who you are, and trust that even in the contradictions, there is clarity.
