Love is one of the greatest things that human beings experience, and this isn’t just in romantic contexts. It’s a pretty big thing. It’s why books are written, songs are written, inventions are made. It’s an action word; loving someone goes beyond just saying it. Real love spurs you to action. You wake up every day, and you don’t just feel love; you actively “do” love.
Love is many things, but it is not uncertain; it is not unsure; it is not shaky. I hope that you are not out there accepting love that isn’t completely convinced about you. Love isn’t inconsistent; it isn’t there today and gone tomorrow. It isn’t shifty. Love should be steady.
Love and abuse cannot coexist; it is simply not possible. You cannot accept a love that hurts. That is not love. Love is calm and gentle with you. Love doesn’t and shouldn’t hurt. That is not love. Love should be the one place you are allowed to lay your arms, drop your walls, and defenses and just be. If you feel like you have to be on guard in love, that’s not love.
Love stretches you. As much as it doesn’t hurt, sometimes it might make you uncomfortable. I like to think of it as a mirror that is held up right and in front of you, and you can really see yourself flaws and all. It grows you whether you are ready or not, whether you like it or not. Don’t accept a love that doesn’t make you grow as a person; don’t accept lackadaisical love.
Love is freeing; it doesn’t claim ownership. It doesn’t try to attach itself to you by any means necessary. This is one of the most important lessons I learnt on love, and I still have to remind myself of it regularly. Love is not a prison; you should not love someone to the extent that you cannot let them go even when you know deep down that it’s time. One of my favorite quotes on love is by Maya Angelou. It says, “Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.” Love is freeing too; sometimes loving means leaving, it means detaching, it means letting go.
Lastly, here are some quotes I have written on love that I think you should know:
“You have not met everyone that will love you; you haven’t even scratched the surface. There is love so good in this world you haven’t even thought to ask for it.”
“You deserve love that gives you peace, love that is stable, love that is sure, love that makes you happy and giddy and makes you smile for no reason. You are worthy of love just because you are. No reasons, no ifs, no buts, and you will find it. One day you will wake up next to the love of your life in a world that both of you have built for yourself, and you will think ‘how lucky am I that I get to experience this.’ You will watch your favorite movies together cuddled up on the couch, and you will laugh and make very many inside jokes. You will find your person, I know you will. There is someone in this world who has the capacity to hold space for you; there is someone in this world who will be gentle with your heart. There is someone who will love you, deeply, and this will not be because of anything you’ve done but because of who you are. You are deserving of the love you can’t stop dreaming about; don’t settle till you get it.”
“While you are trying to find the right person, don’t forget to make sure that you are doing the inner work to be the right person too. Make sure you are working on taking down your walls because the right person deserves vulnerability from you; they deserve honesty; they deserve to be sure that the person they love is capable of holding space for them too. They deserve love that is freeing, love that holds them on bad days, love that looks them in the eye and says, I’ve got you. The right person deserves to see all the parts of you, because the right person will love you anyway; they will look at all the broken parts of you and hug you so tight it’ll feel like they’re putting you back together. The right person for you deserves that you become the right person for them.”
“I like to think that love isn’t just the way it’s been advertised; candle-lit dinners, flowers, elaborate displays of affection all that jazz. I like to think that love, in its purest form, is present in the big things and in the mundane things. Sometimes love looks like buying a big-ass bouquet of flowers, and other times it’s just existing next to someone and looking up at them live their life and think ‘wow, that’s my person.’ Sometimes it’s brushing your teeth side by side with someone in silence without feeling the need to fill the silence. Sometimes it’s stealing glances from across the room or playing the staring game. Sometimes it’s in the way they hug you when you’re sad for as long as you need without saying anything because they know that right now you just need a hug. Love isn’t just in the big things you see in movies; it’s in everyday life, the part that doesn’t look so aesthetically pleasing or worthy of a photograph. And I dare say, you don’t really love someone if you can’t do both. Love isn’t about being seen doing grand gestures; it’s about the moments absolutely nobody really sees or notices.”
“People can only love you to the extent to which they love themselves; people can only see you to the extent to which they see themselves. Someone’s inability to love you or see is not a reflection of who you are. Your worth doesn’t depend on someone’s ability to give you the love you desire. You are worthy whether someone sees it or not; you are special whether someone recognizes it or not.”
“Love can be an overwhelming emotion; it’s so powerful it can take over your whole life and fill up all the space. But this is your gentle reminder to not disappear into the people you love. You can love someone so deeply and stand firm in your identity; you can love someone without dropping all that you are and have and running after them. The people that love you will need you to be your own person; they will love the you that has their own life and personality. Don’t shrink in love; don’t let love make you small; don’t disappear into the people you love; that is not what love looks like.”
To be loved is to be fully seen, fully known, and fully held. I hope that you experience this in your life in so many ways and from so many places.
